being alone...

At work I'm decent. At school I'm okay. With family and friends I do alright. The second I am alone I feel the walls cave in. My chest feels like there's an elephant sitting on it. I cant breathe. And the tears begin to fall. I feel so alone. I miss my son like crazy. He should be in my arms right now...I should be nursing him and changing his diaper. He should be sleeping next to me every night as I admire how beautiful he is. He should be coming on family vacations. He should be here on my favorite holiday (the 4th of July).....I should be able to share that with him. If I cant share it with him I don't want to share it with anyone. I want to crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head and not get out until this pain goes away...