Thursday, June 04, 2009

Lifes Not Fair

Day in and day out I see and hear things that make me physically ill...I want to punch something or take scissors to a pillow or throw dishes as hard as I can at the wall. Mothers who cant take 10 minutes out of their day to read their child a book or teach them to write their names so they can actually get in to kindergarten. Mothers who drop their children off at daycare the second the doors open and pick them up five minutes before the center closes (this is a 12+ hour day...). Parents who come in to pick up their children REEKING of weed or totally off their rockers doped up on some drug. New mothers complaining about being woken up five times a night or not getting more than three hours of sleep because of their newborns. Pregnant people who don't take care of themselves - how hard is it to cut caffeine out of your diet for 10 months? Consuming caffeine doubles the risk of miscarriage. Yet countless women cant suck it up and do whats in their babies best interest. Why is it the mentally sick people, the perverted people, the unstable people, the twisted & distrubing people, the druggies (I could go on and on) ... why is it these people bring home babies, sometimes many of them, and my son is not with me today? I'm pounding the keys as I type this. It is infuriating. I loved my son from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I took my prenatals religiously. I had MAYBE the total of 2 cans of caffeinated soda throughout my entire pregnancy. I stayed as stress free as possible. I took care of myself. And I would have taken care of Ryan as good as a parent possibly could take care of a child. This I know for sure. I have always been the motherly type.
I should not be typing this right now. I should be holding my beautiful baby boy - staring at him in amazement...slowly memorizing every inch of his body. I should have diapers and wipes in every room. I should have Ryan's stuff filling my house, instead of wrapped up in the garage. Nothing is right in the world anymore. I wake up each and every day to a world that makes no sense - I wish I could fall asleep and just stay asleep for months...and then wake up in a place that made sense.
I would give my right arm or my ability to walk if it meant I had sleepless nights due to my son waking me up countless times...I wish people appreciated what they have...

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes it takes a loss for people to truly appreciate what is around them. These women have never had to (thank God) deal with the things we have, so they don't get it, they dont understand, and they dont appreciate every moment they have.