breast feeding survey the mail...

I received a letter in the mail yesterday. I didn't sit down to look at it until today. The return address said "The Research Institute of Mother and Child Care". My first reaction was that it must be junk mail, but that was quickly replaced by the gut feeling that it actually had something to do with Ryan. So, pain seeker that I am, I opened it. Inside was a letter asking for me to participate in a random survey. The letter said

"The questions apply to the youngest infant in your home, regardless of whether you breastfeed or use infant formula." and "We value your experiences as a parent."

There is no infant in my home. And I have no experiences as a parent with the exception of caring for my dead babies body for three days. Sorry for being so frank. I don't know why but I put the letter in with my box full of Ryan's stuff. The letter came to me because I was supposed to have an infant here...I just feel wrong throwing away anything pertaining to my sweet baby boy.

I looked at the survey...imagining what I would have filled in had Ryan been with me today. Due Date: May 26th 2009. Age now: my answer would probably be 1 month or so. Birth date: ?? Weight at birth: ?? Breast milk or formula: breast milk. There's more to the survey but you get the point.

I wish I had my son with me right now...I was I was too busy taking care of him to look at some stupid survey...and I really wish I had the answer to fill in on that survey.